Before I Go to Sleep

Dr. Nash takes Christine to a café. He explains that he did not know what Ben had told her about the “accident” until he read Christine’s journal. Dr. Nash reveals that Christine was staying in a hotel in Brighton on the night she lost her memory. She was found wandering the streets in a state of confusion with severe head injuries. No one in the hotel saw her attacker.

Dr. Nash explains that Ben did not know what Christine was doing in Brighton and had reported her as missing. Following emergency surgery, Christine was in a coma and woke with amnesia. Doctors assumed the memory loss was caused by her head injury combined with possible strangulation or drowning. Christine was in the hospital for months and was then transferred to a psychiatric ward, where she stayed for seven years. Suffering from paranoia, she attempted to escape and was occasionally violent. Dr. Nash suggests they could visit the Brighton hotel to see if it prompts any memories, but Christine refuses.

Christine realizes that she must have been having an affair and thinks about how the revelation must have affected Ben. It occurs to her that this is why he lied about the cause of her memory loss. Dr. Nash suggests they should visit the psychiatric ward, admitting that he has already prearranged it.

At the psychiatric ward, Dr. Nash tells Christine how Ben successfully campaigned to transfer her to a center specializing in brain injuries. After leaving the psychiatric ward, Christine lived at the center for about 10 years until she was discharged. Christine remembers receiving a hospital visit from Adam as a young boy. She greeted him joyfully but then became confused and ordered him to leave.

Dr. Nash introduces Dr. Hilary Wilson, and Christine vaguely remembers being under her care. Dr. Wilson says Ben, Adam, and Christine’s friend Claire visited most days. In a file, Dr. Wilson has copies of pages from a diary Christine kept in the hospital. The entries, written within minutes of each other, are confused and contradictory. Christine is shocked to learn that her memory sometimes lasted only seconds. She begins to panic, desperate to leave. Dr. Wilson knocks some papers to the floor, and Christine sees a photograph of her face distorted and swollen from cuts and bruises. Horrified, she screams until the two doctors restrain her. Christine breaks free and runs through the ward, realizing she has done this before.

On the drive home, Christine fears for her sanity. When she starts crying, Dr. Nash stops the car. As he puts his arms around Christine, trying to comfort her, another memory is triggered. Christine remembers being forcibly held by a man in the hotel room. There is a three-mirrored dressing table in the room and a picture of a bird. Struggling, she falls to the floor, and the man drags her by the hair. She tries to see his face, but it is a blank. The man hits Christine and drags her to a bathroom with black and white floor tiles. Christine feels herself being throttled and pushed down into the bathwater.

Christine’s memory is interrupted by Dr. Nash shouting her name. She is running across the park, and he is chasing her. Christine stops, telling Dr. Nash that she believes her memory would return if she could remember the identity of her attacker. Christine reveals that, a few days earlier, she thought of the name Ed when she woke up. She suggests that Ed could be the man she had an affair with. Dr. Nash gently informs Christine that his first name is Ed, and he has told her this before. He suggests she is “confabulating.” Embarrassed, Christine realizes that she was fantasizing about waking up with her doctor. Dr. Nash suggests they visit Waring House, the brain injury unit Christine was transferred to, the next time they meet.